That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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