theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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