i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
