Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
