There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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