You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
