thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize