I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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