She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
