So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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