Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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