She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
