I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
