wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
