In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
