Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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