it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
