I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
