My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We're too hungover to prance.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
