Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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