Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
