Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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