he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
