i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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