why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
