Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
