I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
