smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
