**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
