Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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