everyone is single if you try hard enough
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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