So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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