I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
