I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
