we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
