At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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