everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
