your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
