dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fuck appropriateness.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
