just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize