we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
