the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
