Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
