Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
