Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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