i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
