i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
