He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
