I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
