She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
