the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
