If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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