Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
