we have pet lesbian snakes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
