now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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