I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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