...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
