Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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