so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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