is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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