Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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