I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
