you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
