remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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