She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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