I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
