Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
