she looked like the before picture.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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