apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
